As I watch it grow in length and width I panic. Will it be too heavy? Too light? Too thick or too thin? Will it itch? Will it be aesthetically pleasing? Is the texture right? Will it be soft or rough against the skin? Will it be scalding hot or freezing cold? Will it shrink or stretch?

It is my first time and these are the questions that are floating around in my head at this very moment. Am I doing it right? Will I grip it too tightly or too loosely? Will it even fit? Will it be too big or possibly be too small? Will I cry in pain, relief, or disbelief when it is all over? Will I feel complete or broken like I lost something very important? At the end of it all will I hear sly comments like “maybe you should do this next time”, or “maybe you could have done this technique a little better”, or maybe just maybe I will receive more positive comments like “amazing”, “how did you learn to do that?”

It is calling out to me to touch it. Do I dare? Tentatively I reach out it feels like it has its own pulse. I do not want to stop. I want to keep going; however, I know I have to get some sleep eventually. After a long day, I look forward to repeating the previous evening’s activities. I enjoy it so much it has become part of my life. A lifeline that keeps me sane.

I add another pair of white balls. I am now up to three pairs of small white balls and a pair of larger black balls on either side of me. In a daze, I try to focus and take a brief look at the picture and instructions I am currently trying to follow along to. I think to myself what have I gotten myself into. It is the Kama Sutra of crocheting. Or should I say the Intarsia of crocheting. I look down at the project I am currently working on and think again how the balls of yarn remind me of limbs all tangled together to reach one’s ultimate goal of pure satisfaction.

After moving on from loom knitting and successfully teaching myself to crochet I was feeling really good about myself. I decided I was ready to crochet my first sweater. I wanted to pick a pattern that was unique and where I was going to learn a new technique. That is when I recall seeing a black unisex jumper with a white skull and crossbones on the front. The pattern was in one of the first crochet books I ever bought. The only thing is I did not know how to do colorwork. From the same book, I taught myself how to do tapestry crochet, but that is a different technique than what was used in the pattern for the sweater. Instead of carrying colors like in tapestry crochet, you attach a separate ball of yarn for each color area. This technique is called intarsia.

I jumped right in with beginner’s enthusiasm without learning how to crochet intarsia first. I thought I would just “wing it.” It had worked for me in the past. It was actually going pretty well until I got to my first color change. I had to make a skein of white yarn from the Jumbo ball of Red Heart Super Saver white yarn I was using (note: I also used a Jumbo ball of Red Heart Super Saver in black). I really had no idea how much yarn I would need for that particular area. I took a wild guess and wrapped it around a large clothes peg that I had lying around. Thankfully, I had a few large clothes pegs lying around for I would need a few of them for this project. I figured if I needed more yarn I would just make a new skein of yarn and continue on with the pattern.  It was also my first time reading a crochet chart of any kind. I found that a color chart using only two colors and one stitch is very easy to follow. This is not always the case, as I will learn later on as I continue to crochet and knit more complicated projects.

I am working on the Jolly Roger Jumper designed by Lynn Zykowski from the wildly popular Stitch ‘n Bitch book series, the Happy Hooker by Debbie Stoller.

I try to hold on for as long as possible, but I am so close. All that is left to do is the assembly of the sweater, which consists of the following sewing side seams, setting in sleeves, underarm seaming, and the neckline still needs to be completed. All things I have never actually done before. Like I said it is my first time. I am grateful it is taking longer than I thought, but very frustrating at the same time. Delayed gratification does not always live up to its hype.

Finally, I pull the yarn through the last loop on the hook and complete the last stitch of the neckline. Still basking in the euphoric afterglow it is time to weave in all the yarn ends. It looks like I will have a lot of time to reflect on my crochet accomplishment for there are a lot of yarn ends to weave in.

I scream out in pure joy as I snip the last of the yarn ends. I hold up the completed garment. I am so happy. It looks just like the picture in the book. I do not hesitate and try the sweater on even though it is mid-July in the midst of a heatwave. I cry out again as I reach the peak of a second wave of pleasure… “It fits,” I yell out in delight.

My first attempt at a very complicated crochet intarsia sweater left me with such a feeling of contentment and true love for the textile arts it reminded me of an ancient Indian Sanskrit text on sexuality, eroticism, and emotional fulfillment in life, the Kama Sutra; which, in turn, lead me to write this very racy article full of double entendres. I think I just might have to crochet some more sweaters; hopefully, this article inspires or the very least make more people curious about learning how to crochet and reap its many rewards.